Children’s Choices: Doomed to Disappoint

              For some people, their parents are their own personal heroes and they wish to emulate them by any means possible. For others… it is preferable to follow a completely different path, far from what might have been expected from their families. Even if parents can certainly be proud of their children, most of the time they end up disappointed in regards to some, or many, of their children’s life choices, as they differ from tradition or a family’s particular desires. It is rather impossible for children to live up to their progenitors’ expectations when tradition, family values and personal life experience might get in the way of their own pursuit of happiness.

            Tradition is a form of separation between generations. Different generations hold different views regarding several aspects of a person’s life – education, family or society – which can already become a common cause of disappointment between parents and their offspring. New generations might hold newer and more progressive views or simply disregard them entirely. In Kazuo Ishiguro’s short story A Family Supper, the narrator and his sister, Kikuko, represent Japan’s more modern generation, which prefers to abandon family traditions in favor of traveling abroad and even accept the American lifestyle instead of viewing the US as their enemy. On the other hand, we are presented with the narrator’s father, who embodies the older and more traditional generation. Reminiscence from Imperial Japan, the narrator’s father is a samurai descendant, who was educated in more ancient samurai values: Committing suicide in the name of honor as the right thing to do and the belief that family should never be separated. He believes that his son should have stayed with his them instead of betraying him, and his deceased mother, by leaving Japan for the US. However, this traditional view does not fit in modern Japan anymore, which changed dramatically during, and after, the American occupation. His children feel that their actions are an act of liberation rather than an act of disobedience.

              Children must break free from their parents’ expectations or they run the risk of not growing and developing into their own individual selves. Their place in the world may not be the same as their ancestors; therefore parent’s plans and expectations will inevitably end up challenged by their children’s personal growth. In A Family Supper, Kikuko resembles an obedient daughter on the surface, although minimally defying her father on occasions, but she holds her secret plans to travel the world with her boyfriend and escape from her father’s guard. If she stays with him, then she will never find a true opportunity to develop herself and become independent. A further example of children disappointing their parents may be found in Ian McEwan’s novel The Children Act. Here we explore the character of Adam Henry and his decision to reject his parents’ religion and their expectations for him not to get a blood transfusion – in order to maintain his purity-, which is what ends up giving him another change in life. By disappointing his parents, he can decide for his own life. The author presents a scenario where it becomes virtually impossible for Adam to both comply with tradition and fight for his life at the same time.

               It is impossible to live up to anyone else’s expectations, let alone those from our procreators and caregivers. They are the ones who raise their children according to their own life experiences and imposed culture, religion, politics and so on. Therefore, they end up placing their own personal baggage over their children. Expectations come from a unique and individual perspective, molded by education as well as past experiences. Everyone ends up developing their own perspective and they cannot possibly be matched by those of the rest of the world. In the case of The Children Act, Adam’s parents found salvation in religion (which, ironically, ends up killing him); therefore he was expected to share their feelings and understanding without experiencing what they had. In the end, he decides to abandon their doctrine to try to save his life, thus not fulfilling the path his parents had set out for him.

             In conclusion, children are bound to disappoint their parents, as it becomes impossible to live up to any other person’s expectations. New generations tend to drift apart from old-fashioned traditions and values adopted by their forbearers. If children do not break free from tradition or family desires, they might not fully develop their own true selves or independence. They must find their own life journey. Parents will always be disappointed at one point or another as their children cannot, and should not, fulfill expectations that may be at odds with their self-discovered values and world-view. The best possible decision for children growing into young adults is (for them) to experience life, and find their place in the world, regardless of what anyone could have wanted, or expected, from them.